did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
pop tarts are not kleenex
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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