My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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