Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
