last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
