Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
