could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
