Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
