I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
