I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
this hospital has no fireball
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
