He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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