i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
