Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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