yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
