When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
