whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
