I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's the barista slut.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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