i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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