I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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