Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
