can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
