no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
