I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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