WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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