i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
