i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
