Dual....:-)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
