I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
