I'm lost and stupid without you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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