Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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