I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
