something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
