Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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