i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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