That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
