Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
