Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Send help, water and tortillas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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