Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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