Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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