She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
