I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
