What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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