He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
