Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found your dick twin last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
