I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
