laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
