I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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