he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
