just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
