She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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