I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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