3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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