Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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